I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
