I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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