she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
