You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
