I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize