About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
