I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
