I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
