ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
