im drinking this country out of the recession.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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