No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this boner is exhausting
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
