His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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