I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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