"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
