the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
