see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
