He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
