who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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