she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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