Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
