i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
