He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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