i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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