He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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