Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize