For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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