The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize