OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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