It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
