There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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