So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
