The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
