He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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