its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
