I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
