Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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