His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
