I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
