Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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