Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
