Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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