So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i think my cat just said my name.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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