Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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