Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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