Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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