I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
