The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This baby is an asshole
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
