I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
