I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
