Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize