I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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