I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
pray to the hookup gods
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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