Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
