apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
