bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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