paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
