Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
