bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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