i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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