matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
