he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
