i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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