i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He kissed a someone with a penis
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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