Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize