i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
