i jhust puked up my retainher.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
