Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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