I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
