It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
