Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
