you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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