Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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