I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
