Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
