so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize