Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
