apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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