This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
