we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
