I cut my penus on the lid.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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