too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
