Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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