He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
