I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
