forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
