i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
