I smell stomach acid.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
