My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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