So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize