you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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