The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
