i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
