i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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