I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
