I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
