so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize